Here And There : mak_n

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06/30/2006

The One Where I Discover The Root of My Disfunction

I can't possibly say how happy I am that it is Friday and that in a few hours I will be done with work for four. whole. days!

Those days will be almost entirely filled with stressing about the piece I am making for the upcoming art show. Ha! Hopefully a little work will be done on it too. I really am a diseased person. Why do I hate doing the only thing that gives my life purpose? Why can't I just make something instead of making such a huge deal out of everything.

There are also BBQs this weekend. And I am maybe making my berry pie and also maybe ribs! Cooking is easy for me because most of the time everybody loves it and I am sustained therefore.

Hmmm, maybe my problem is that I exptect everyone to react the same way to my art that they do with my cooking. But no one makes orgasmic "mmm, mmm"ing noises over most people's art right? And why do I even need that in the first place? I am missing something of my own that I require people to validate me like that.

Man, Cyrus picked a good one. he he.

Anyway, there was enough crazy in the last post, I don't need to bore my poor diary with more.

I've been going to the gym this week! And it feels so good! I really don't like being out of shape.. I hate it worse than I hate lifting weights in that sweaty man world so I guess that is the choice I have to make. Also, C and I have been eating really healthy so maybe I can get rid of the muffin top that I thought would be fun to have. (Yeah I thought that, as a bellydancer, it might be cute if I had a little pudge. Guess what, when you have a small frame and you are no taller than 5'....it's not cute. It just looks unhealthy. I'm just not volumptious and this has helped me accept that).

Plus squats are great for bellydance stamina!

22:15 Posted in Eat'n , Mak'n stuff | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

06/23/2006

Do My Eyes Deceive Me?

Is that a finished project??? I actually made something! And didn't talk about it for a month first!

Okay so it's really small and quick and looks just slightly (exactly) like something else but it's still something! This was for a baby shower at work. And it was nice to do some knitting again. I'm inspired to get out my old knitting projects and see if I can't unravel them (Camille has gotten to them all by now) and start them up again.

Also I finished my cousin's bridal shower invitations. These were so fun! Her shower is a 40's/50's housewife theme. I included a recipe card on the back to be filled out and given to my cousin at the end of the shower as a group gift. Because while showers are silly most of the time the really cool thing about them (besides the gifts I guess) is the community of women. Where we grew up there was always the same women at all the showers. They spanned all ages and some we saw every day some only at events like these. But with that many women in one room celebrating life's big moments it is such a valuable collective of knowledge and femininity. So I thought that everyone writing down a recipe or word of advice for her marriage would be the perfect way to express that. Anyway, I'm making decorations out of scanned ads from my vintage 40's women's magazines. My aunt found a cache of vintage aprons at a church bazaar and we are giving those out as favors.

The images I used here were from my old magazines too. My favorite is the lady in the bottom right corner. She was REALLY excited about her clean laundry (thanks to Tide). Now she's REALLY excited about my cousin's shower.

Also I used my new envelope liner templates from the Paper Source and I have to say I love them! The paper is from Paper Source too and just matched perfectly.

17:40 Posted in Mak'n stuff , Nitt'n | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

05/31/2006

Wedding Bells. Not Mine.

So we went to our best friend's wedding this weekend. It was one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to. And I've never been so involved in a wedding. I was one of her "posse", which, in case you are wondering is pretty much all the work of a bridesmaid (more than the maid of honor in this case) without the bridesmaid title. Which, was fine really. I loved helping plan, I helped her decorate, I organized the bachelorette thing, made the shower invitations, went with her to the hair dresser etc etc. And it was really fun. Now that it's over I'm not sure what to do with myself. I've been spending a lot of energy on it.

I don't have any pictures of me in the dress I wore, but it was the brown one with teal and cream flowers that C bought me. I made a tissue holder to match since I knew (correctly) I would be bawling my eyes out. We read a poem at the start of the ceremony and barely held it together. The rest of the wedding was not so calm. (BTW this poem really is beautiful)

I made this out of brocade, which is SO not my favorite fabric to sew with. And this kept gaping at the hole. But it served it's purpose as a formal tissue holder. I used Bella Dia's Flickr tutorial.

I also scrapped together the wedding present. I always do this. I've been thinking about what I wanted to put in it for months but waited until the week before the wedding to get going on it. It all worked out really well though. It is a picnic "basket" with everything they need for a romantic two person picnic. I decided on a backpack because they are outdoorsy biker people and I just thought it would be more practical.

Plus I found it at Ross for $16 and it fits everything PERFECTLY. A small front pocket for tiny things like bottle openers, a second pocket for all the dishware, the big pocket for the food and ice packs, and one side pocket for water and one for wine.

I got melamine plates and glasses and napkins and wine accessories from World Market along with the matching napkins. And found all other food stuff at Whole Foods and such.

I bought two extra napkins and made a roll up case for the silverware.

Fun.

Now only two more weddings/wedding presents/shower presents to go this summer! THIS is the problem with lots of cousins. They all inevitably decide to get married at once.

19:45 Posted in Mak'n stuff | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this

04/03/2006

Cute Ebay find

I probably don't need a pattern to make a sewing machine cover, but this old pattern was so cute I couldn't resist bidding 3.00 on it. I have a ton of fabric that can only be used for projects this size so maybe I will actually make one (even though I already have a hard cover for my machine - who says projects have to be usefull??). Check out that retro sewing table. I want.

18:03 Posted in Mak'n stuff | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

03/22/2006

More Like "Vein of Coal...

I'm reading a book called Vein of Gold by Julia Cameron about reclaiming your creativity. I am trying to get over my personal block against doing anything really creative. And when I say block, I mean really A BLOCK. I am so obsessed with perfection and 'being good' and feeling like everything I do is crap that I literally am no longer able to create ANYTHING.

But I'm going to have to try and change that and I have bellydance to thank/hate for this revaltion.

I knew it was happening in drawing and art, but I thought I could live with that with other outlets like crafting and dancing (knitting, cooking elaborate dinners, sewing, beading, embroidery, music - you name it). Which has been fine until I got to the point where I needed to improvise and choreograph in dancing and....

.... I can't do it.

I don't think it that I "can't" do it, I just am not allowing myself too - same with painting and drawing. And it makes sense. I mean hello? If I can't fill a blank sketch book page in the comfort of my own home, how am I going to create a dance on a stage in front of a bunch of people?

Crafting and dancing are also Art of course, but they aren't always as stressful to me for some reason - I think because there are patterns and choreography to follow and I don't have to be responsible for the creative quality if I don't want to be. I can Make without having the pressure of it being MINE. The problem I've found is that, ultimately, I do want to responsible creatively and that's what makes those things interesting and good anyway.

So what that all means is that I need to revisit these issues once and for all! Because I can't live with this.I really can't. I thought I could. I could take a crappy job that pays well and diddle around the house with little hobbies but it doesn't work that way.

I would love to scrap it all! Whats wrong with going to work, and coming home and cleaning your house, and watching some TV and going to bed? Normal people do that! But I can't, I'm not satisfied with that even though I want to be! It kills me not to make things and I'm always thinking "what if?"

It's in my bones whether I'm good at it or not, whether I want it or not and I have to accept that and find a way to get it out.

Whats so hard about coming home and sitting down and doing a little sketching? Or painting something I've been thinking about during the day? Why be so psycotic? Nobody needs to see it, I can draw smiley faces if I fucking want to! Well, the problem is I don't want to, I want to create the next Sistine Chapel right there on my page of newsprint with my stubby pencil - thats why it's so hard for me. I have created unrealistic, unimportant ideals for myself and I don't know how to let them go.

So I'll try this book before therapy because I'm a cheap ass (also I've been to therapy in high school and I know they will make me talk about things and deal with things that just aren't fun dammit) and it starts with journal type writing in the morning and taking walks and hey! I can handle that. One thing at a time.

Morning pages. Morning Walks. Then maybe some forced daily sketching. Just a little! I'll keep you updated Ms. Blog. Maybe then I'll feel more guilty when I bag it and make a beaded bracelet - or watch some netflixed LOST episodes. Guilt is fun.

20:10 Posted in Mak'n stuff | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

03/02/2006

The crafters lament

Getting back from a trip abroad is such a roller-coaster. You get home and you are SO HAPPY to see your man, your bathtub, your clean water STRAIGHT OUT OF THE TAP EVEN!

But then the jet lag hits you with it's nauseous, body aching, exhaustion and makes you yell at your boyfriend who you've been missing so much. But can you be blamed? I mean, your body thinks it's thirteen hours ahead of its self.

But not only that, I've just been questioning everything. I guess seeing starving children and puppies for two weeks straight can make you do that. What am I doing at my job? What is happening with my relationship? What am I eating? What am I accomplishing?

Those questions fade a little when I go through my bills (oh thats right...the paycheck), and my boyfriend runs a bath for me, washes my hair, and puts up with my post-trip-hellishness (um.. yeah, catch).

I can't get this restlessness out of my head though. Maybe it's the ADD, and also a little depression from the anti climax that all big trips bring. But I'm no longer satisfied with my big intentions when nothing gets accomplished. I mean, I have an overflowing yarn stash, and fabric stash, and box full of art supplies but hardly anything to show for it. Spending hours and hours at work researching recipes and clothing and knitting patterns and buying supplies for projects that I know I will never try or finish is no longer satisfying. It sucks!

I'm starting force myself to see the reality which is you can only be focused on so many things to be good at any of them. Does that mean I have to give something up? So what will I choose? Painting? Bellydancing? Knitting? Sewing? Printmaking? Embroidery? Beading? Cooking? Playing the piano? How can I give one of these up (even though I don't even DO half of them anymore)

Ah! I can't do it!

I don't know what the solution is. But I do know that I have to start working on the STUFF I ALREADY HAVE. That means, if I'm going to knit I have to choose from a pattern that I've already bought (what? that happens?) and with whats in my yarn in my stash. Or sew something from fabric and patterns that I already have.

But that still leaves and issue of time. I need to start practicing an hour a day if I want to get any better at dancing. I ABSOLUTELY need to start drawing again so I need to practice that and go back to my life drawing class. What time does that leave for the wedding invitations I've committed myself to, and the knitting I want to do, not to mention the books I want to read and the movies in my netflix que, the costumes I want to sew and the clothes, bags, and stitch-markers I want to make.

Damn job that always gets in the way.

I know I'm whining about what every crafter complains about but its really getting me down right now.

I just need a little calming photo from my beach trip...
Ahh. It really is good to be back in California though...

19:50 Posted in Mak'n stuff | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

12/20/2005

Things are evidently getting worse....

I'm posting a picture of my desk at home to shame myself.

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10/12/2005

The rare and unusual: finished product.

Yep, I'm posting purely to prove that I don't just talk about making things I actually MAKE things. (More truthfully, sometimes I do, mostly I just talk about it, and think about it, and by supplies for it. But everyonce in a while there is that rare and beautiful creature: a finished craft)

Exibit A.

A skirt I made out of some strange fitting Levi's cords. Actually they were just too big. But a great color etc. so this was the perfect solution. I followed this this tute.

Exibit B.