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01/19/2006
The Chariot Card VII
My 2006 Card
Goals
There's some major seriousness below. You are warned. But I need to write this down somewhere so it can become real and I can get some sleep at night.
I normally eschew resolutions, but I don't think that is what these are. I don't plan to accomplish them in a year time frame or anything. These are all things I need to do RIGHT NOW, and none of them involves a StairMaster (not that one couldn't hurt).
Goal # 1. Make a move on my career.
- At least, decide on what is next. Part time/freelance? Freelance only? Full time at a studio? I'm 27 this year. It's time to find something that will work for me. The current situation.... it is not working. I've stayed with this job because I am SO SCARED to put myself out there and find something else. And I've convinced myself that I'm not good enough to do something better. Which may or may not be true but I'll never know if I don't try. So I'm starting the terrifying task of updating my portfolio. (Why this task is terrifying requires a couple years of therapy and a 6000 word post so I'll have to get back to you on that one)
2. Have The Talk with C
- Marriage? Kids? We have been together too long (8 years 3/21/06) to not know what the future holds for our relationship. It's crazy we've never seriously talked about this. So my plan it to let him know before I leave for India (without requiring any kind of answer) that I don't feel we are moving forward with our relationship, that as the years go by marriage seems more and more important to me and that it's starting to make me sad that we don't talk about the future. Which is hard because we get along SO GREAT and it seems that by doing this I'm creating problems where there are none. But I'm realizing that I'm not REALLY creating a problem, the problem is already there and I'm finally getting around to addressing it. But man, I'm nervous. What a huge step. I had decided last year that I would propose to him but I've recently have a friend talk me out of that. Only because if I ask him and he says yes he may never be truly sure that it is what he wants, and I want to know that he made that decision because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and not because he felt pressured. I have always been so offended by the stereotype of the woman who "traps" and pressures and whines for marriage. I hate those jokes and I've always been very aware of that image, I think it is unfair. And I think it stems from the fact that women are often the grounding, realistic person in many hetero relationships, the people who see the reality of things and can envision the future. C is usually my link to the earth but maybe not in this case..
3. Be serious about dancing.
-Really practice more. Go to all the festivals. Maybe take another class besides Wednesday? Collect costume stuff. I'm really excited about this goal! I have finally found something that I really LOVE and am good at and I have to really pursue it.
4. Remember my art table.
-I need to draw again, make prints, do some painting, cut some paper.
5. Save some money, do some damage on those *F*ing school loans.
-If I'm going to do something like go part time or freelance I'm gonna need some CASH! I have a car that is paid off, a steady income right now. The future will hold a new car, less money and more responsibilities (Wedding? Kids? We may buy a house? that is, if #2 goes well) and will only make it harder to pay this off. So I better start now!
Hmm, so ambitious. But, like I said, I'm almost 30 and I've been coasting along for too long. So this year's journal might be full of this kind of stuff. Hopefully, anyway.
I need some wine now.
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12/23/2005
Elephants
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12/07/2005
This makes me happy
I could watch this all day long on repeat. Thanks to Super Eggplant for the link.
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11/23/2005
They're funny. I'm not.
I really have nothing to say today.
But I did read three blog posts that actually made me laugh out loud. So I'll share.*
Mimi Smartipants who is really always funny, but this was a good one.
All & Sundry
And Rabbitch winner 10 years running for best consistant use of the word "ass"
*(Although I don't know if you are supposed to do that - I'm painfully unaware of bogger etiquette -- leave me bitchy comments if its bad)
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11/17/2005
Pictures, Crazy Boyfriends, and Life
Pictures of our weekend trip
***
I'm so busy at work. No blogging time. C is playing a show in LA tonight. The crazy man is driving there (6 hours) playing the show, then driving back and going to work tomorrow morning.
I will be working late, then maybe trying to get something done around the house. With holiday crafts and general life related chores to do my head is spinning. I don't know where to start. But unfortunatly I do know that watching netflix and eating crap are not the way to go about it.
Time to make more lists!!!
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11/15/2005
11/14/77
Happy Birthday to my favoritest person in the world.
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11/13/2005
Time Capsule E-mail
Neat. I'm thinking about doing it. What should I say to my 20-years-from-now-self?..... "I hope you are still alive?"
E-mail for thought. No?
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11/09/2005
I've been outed
C now knows I have a blog. I haven't told a single soul I have a blog since I started it. I knew C would find out sometime but I wanted see how long I could hold out telling. He didn't seem pissed that I didn't tell him. His dad found it Googling. (Hi Pat!) C's still forbidden to read it. I don't know why, it just seems like a good thing to forbid. (What if I need to complain about him someday? And I at least need to be able talk about stuff I'm making for him that supposed to be a surprise) I'm going to tell everyone else now though. I think part of the reason I didn't tell anyone was because I am HORRIBLE at keeping secrets so I wanted to at least see if I could keep my own. And I did!! Yay.
But now I need to delete the post where I list what I'm going to get everyone for Christmas! Hee Hee!
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11/08/2005
Self Portrait Tuesday
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11/01/2005
Halloweenies
So halloween was fun. We went to a fairly lame party but livened it up by buying prince from the host's itunes store with his password and dancing like maniacs. Which encouraged other people to dance.
I spent all afternoon playing with my clown make-up to find something good (or really just because it's fun to draw on your face)
I ended up with this:
We were supposed to be scary clowns but I think cyrus was the only one who accomplished that.
Here are the rest of us
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10/31/2005
Merry Meet, Happy Samhain
who knows what this means..
Your Linguistic Profile: |
75% General American English |
15% Upper Midwestern |
5% Dixie |
5% Midwestern |
0% Yankee |
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10/13/2005
Here's a big sloppy kiss for me iTunes
***
So last night was bellydance class but I was the only one who showed up and Luna was tired so we just went out for pizza and beer. If I were a good girlfriend I would have trekked to the city to see my man's show at the Bottom of the Hill but, you know - pizza and beer and chatting with a girlfriend - sorry, babe.
***
Today the boss is away (Yom Kippur) and even though there are millions of things to be doing I don't feel like doing any of them, so there.
***
iTunes has a new update AND YOU CAN PLAY TV SHOWS!!!! Is anyone else as fucking excited as I am? Oh maybe not, I forget most people actually have antennas on their tv. But I don't. And now maybe I will find out what all this going on about a strange thing called "Lost" is about.
***
I heard back from the Guatemalan textiles lady. All the fancy schmancy "board of directors" from NY luuuuuuved the design and now we are going forward with the actual thing!
***
I got one of those silly personality quizzes in my email:
Have you..................
* Ever been so drunk you blacked out?
It's best we don't talk about it.
* Missed work because it was raining:
Honey, I'm from Oregon. I've never even missed a picnic because it was raining.
* Put a body part on fire for amusement:
Pardon? Is that done?
* Been hurt emotionally:
Never. I've got a marble-like shell surrounding my itty bitty heart.
* Kept a secret from everyone:
Finally I can answer yes for the first time: I managed not to spill it to my friend Christa FOREVER that her man was going to propose. Yes! Score! It was so hard.
* Had an imaginary friend:
no but I've always wished I did
* Wanted to hook up with a friend:
Who doesn't?
* Ever thought an animated character was hot:
The Little Mermaid. (Just kidding) However I have had a crush on a literary character or two (Mr. Darcy and Jamie Friaser - watch out!)
* Had a New Kids on the Block tape?
No I wasn't cool enough.
What is your favorite.....................
* Shampoo:
I have about 6 different bottles in my bath and use it, like, twice a week so I'm not a good person to ask this question. As long as its got natural ingredients and doesn't turn my bottle blond hair orange or green its in.
* Body Wash:
I make my soap myself dammit! Bodywash, smodywash.
* Hair Color:
Multi
* Day/Night:
Day and night
* Summer/Winter:
Summer and Winter
* Lace or Satin:
Satin if I have to choose
* Favorite Food:
Fresh vietnamese spring rolls, my mom's homemade rasperry jam on toast, grilled fresh salmon, winter squash, steamed spinach with lemon, pasta, and lemon curd. Not all at once.
* Favorite Movie: The Princess Bride
* Favorite Book:
(s) - Lets make that plural shall we? Just a few:
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austin,
The Red Tent - Anita Diamant,
Skinny Legs and All - Tom Robbins,
The Watership Down - Richard Adams,
The Mists of Avalon - Marion Zimmer Bradley
etc. etc. etc.
* Favorite Ice Cream:
Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough, but I had some cantelope ice cream from Mitchell's that was up there.
* Favorite Subject:
Poop. My cats. Celebrities.......Oh did you mean school subject?
* Favorite drink without alcohol:
agua
* Favorite Words:
"pickle" & "totally". Word I hate: pulchritudinous
*Favorite beer:
Pabst (such a classy dame)
RIGHT NOW-------------------------
* Wearing:
Shevel Knievel T-shirt that I cut and stitched back up to fit me, Lucky jeans and chucks.
*Hair is:
two kinda lopsided pony/bun-thingies
* Eating:
nothin. I want some pasta.
* Drinking:
Trader Joe's Orange Spice Organic Rooibosh Herbal Tea
* Thinking :
I should really be working
* Listening to:
KEXP (Seattle college radio via internet) Playing: Hound Dog Taylor
LAST TIME YOU---------------------------
* Wore a skirt:
Yesterday. I made it myself tee hee.
* Met someone new:
Saturday
*Cleaned your room:
I don't do that
* Drove a car:
this morning
LIFE--------------------------
* Best feeling in the world?
That feeling after about an hour or so of constant menstral cramps when they are ALMOST starting to wane and there is this teeny tiny break inbetween them where there is .. no...pain for like two seconds. Heaven. TMI?
* Worst Feeling?
my foot in my mouth.
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10/03/2005
Vacation + bad jet lag = blog neglect
I've been in China!! And it was amazing and fun and a-once-in-a-lifetime expereiece. Yes I have pictures.
But now I'm just jet lagged and things are just not going well in the digestion area and worst of all? I'm back at work. Reality has struck me in the face like a Boeing 747.
I'll elaborate on the journey to Beijing and back when I'm through taking that icy cold shower that is "The First Day Back At Work After Two Weeks In Another Country"
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09/07/2005
Even Shasta can't pull me out of it.
Ug.
I'm so busy. And depressed and unmotivated. I think the depression is official. Thanks Katrina.
Anyway, luckily, I had a fantastic labor day weekend. I went with friends to stay at their friends in Mt. Shasta. Which may be the most beautiful place in California. Seriously. It was so beautiful and peaceful and everyone there was welcoming and comfortable. It was exactly where I wanted to be. Plus the woman we stayed with has been a graphic designer for 20+ years so we had long talks. She has a fantastic studio. And a really F*&#ing cute dog.
We went white water rafting on the Klamath. I got dumped and my sunglasses were offered up to the river goddess. But it was really really fun.
I got a One Skein Wonder almost finished with some lavender acrylic and started Alias Grace by Margret Atwood.
It made me a little more emotionally prepared to handle another week of real life.
Except then I came home and found out that Camille has a bladder infection, so she's going to the vet today. And my grandma broke her femur. Which is all the more distressing since she has my 5' 0" frame but with 300+ pounds on it. It's scary and she has to go to a home for a month or two.
***
3 more rehearsals until China. Thats a week and a half. Oh god.
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08/29/2005
Monday, Monday.. Can't trust that day
Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah.
But whenever Monday comes---but whenever Monday comes
You can find me crying all of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime.
Okay, I have a pretty busy week ahead of me. Goal #1 is to find where I misplaced my motivation, and locating my attention span would be nice too. #2 Get a serious start on that Newsletter. #3 Get back to practicing belly dance everyday. #3 Clean the fucking house and do the goddamn laundry (yes, cussing is necessary in this case). #4 Get actual work done at WORK. #5 water the plants
I am getting a little out of control. Bills are out of control. My house is out of control. My plants are dying. And my workload is out of control. It's the Out of Control part of my cycle of dysfunction. I'll get it back together for a few weeks until I get PMS, or sick or incur some random monetary expense and it will all go to hell again. Barring any of those events life will still slowly fall into disarray anyway, thereby throwing me into the state of craziness once again.
My house is a nightmare and I even spent all of saturday cleaning it. I got to everything except the bedroom which will probably take a day in itself. I should post a picture of it just to shame myself.
Everything was looking really good on Saturday but then I had people over for dinner on Sunday and the kitchen became a disaster zone again. I think C is going to help me with that tonight though. So my main priority is the bedroom.
As soon as the house is clean I think I can get started on the rest of the stuff. Having the house messy really stresses me out. Sometimes I don't notice that it has been wearing on me until I clean it and suddenly I feel like I can take full breaths again. I guess it's the whole Feng Shui thing. Unfortunately I can't keep it clean no matter how hard I try. If it didn't bother me it wouldn't be so bad but it does, so there ya go.
I have belly dance rehearsal tonight and after that it is clean the bedroom time! So exciting.
Anyway, to pick up the mood of this post I'll leave you with some pictures of my artichokes which are the only healthy thing in my garden.
Cheers - L
19:32 Posted in Blog'n , Garden'n | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
08/25/2005
I heart razor blades
Check out this artwork by Nathan Cordero I found on fecal face
There is an opening on Fridayat the Lobot that I AM going to. It should be really good. Good artists there, LIKE C! Who's sculpture just turned out fantastic.
Here is more Nathan Cordero <3 <3 <3 <3.
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08/23/2005
*Warning* Sentimental post ahead.
I just watched the greatest documentary My Flesh and Blood About a woman who adopted a bunch of children with special needs. Its heartbreaking but beautiful. The children are amazing. Especially the one with who was burned as a baby and the one with Epidermolysis Bullosa (horrible, horrible disease). They are just such sweet people despite what they are going through emotionally and physically. And knowing people with ADHD and maybe having ADD myself I really felt for Joe. He was such a monster at times but he was really a tortured kid.
Its not the depressing film you would think it would be. Its actually really uplifting. I recommend it!
Anyway I wish I had cable so I could watch This show on TLC about a man with the EB. I had never heard about this disease until I watched Flesh and Blood. It is when your body does not produce the compound that holds your skin to your body so it is always tearing and you are in constant pain and sores and infection. Ughh... makes me shudder. How awful.
Whew, anyway. If you don't want to be bawling at your desk don't read the story about Olivia on the dEBra website link above. Just a warning.
***
I'm really excited for tonight. This may sound dumb but I'm excited because C is having me help him with his sculpture. He has a show coming up on Friday and is desperately trying to finish his new piece in time. So I will be helping him paint the frame/box it will go in. I just am so happy he trusts me with something like this. I was watching him sculpt last night and it just struck me how insanely talented he is. I've always known that, but he is constantly amazing me. He is a fantastic musician and sculptor and the world will be do itself a disservice if they don't grab him up soon. At the same time he is so unpretentious and humble and supportive of other artists. He really is an amazing guy. I'm so proud of him. I think people will really be blown away this Friday. ** heh, you may suspect bias but, well yeah you could say that. : ) But I'm not the only one! So I know it's not just because I love him to itsy, bitsy pieces.
And in my corner I have started working on the newsletter for the textile museum. Its so fun to work on something with a subject you are super interested in. And we are trading for 3 nights at their cabin in Tahoe this winter. Yee Haw!
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08/18/2005
ADD comes with some good qualities too!
I consider myself a connoisseur of time wasting. Really I do. I like to wast my time with class and style and to tell you the truth I do it. really. well.
Procrastinating is by far my most practiced and honed skill.
Its my professional opinion that the most efficient tool for frittering away your time is the internet. And as an experienced flibbertigibbet please trust me when I tell you I know some good spots to do it.
Which is why I have finally gotten around to making my links list which you will find on the right hand column if you scroll down. Enjoy. No need to thank me.
***
I love looking at other bloggers links so I made my own. These are basically what is filling my browser History right now. I will probably change it around from time to time as my interests flits to this and that (if I get around to it). There are some really awesome artists to check out, cool information, food stuff, just plain strangeness etc.
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08/05/2005
Get to work you lazy *ss.
Well, after repeating last nights evening except with Scrubs instead of SFU and with more wine I stayed up way too late. And I had to get up at 6am. SIX IN THE MORNING, FRIENDS. Yes, yes, I know other people do that all the time but that is a good 2 hours before I usually get up. And I didn't go to bed until 1:30am and I need my sleep. I. Need. My. Sleep. And I am tired and hot. Also kind of fidgety from too much coffee.
We had an 8 am press check in the craptastic city of Sunnyvale. The South Bay makes me want to slit my wrists. But the press check went really well. It was my first press check and I learned a lot. Printing is so interesting. If I had better problem solving skills and attention to detail I might change carreers.
Last nights meeting went well but it looks like the schedule will be tight so I need to get started brainstorming. But if I start working on another project before working out the kinks in The Website my boyfriend will divorce me and take the cats.
SO THIS WEEKEND:
• Tonight - gallery opening with C, and N, and R's art showing then some music at the Bottom of the Hill in SF
• Saturday - Get my brain back into The Website and finish it!! Me: Please, self, do this. Everyone can see the problems and you are making yourself and the band look bad no matter how cool the rest of it is. Just sit down and the computer and get going. Easy as that. Myself: Okay thanks for the pep talk. Saturday morning!! We are getting up and getting to work on The Website, yessiree.
• Go to Gail's and sew shiny bits onto my bellydance costume with the rest of the girls at 2pm Sat. *(Plus maybe meet a kitty that needs a home to replace Lilly and Middi when they have to go home - I'll take pictures if so)
• Clean the house. Mom is coming in a week and even she would be disgusted with the state of the place. I've put the river of ants swarming my kitchen in charge of cleaning it but they are being a little inefficient preferring the cat's food to the mess on the counter so I think I will fire them and do it myself.
• Plant the last planter box and switch out those hideous purple flowers with something else pretty in the rest of the boxes.
• Photograph knitting for blog album
If I actually finish all these things I'm giving myself a lollypop. No, not that kind! Get your mind out of the gutter! (But maybe....)
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08/04/2005
I Fantasize About a Threesome With HBO + Netflix - and Some Other Nonsense
I was all set to take pictures of my past and present knitting with the new fancy-dancy camera. But after two hours of bellydance rehearsal I was beat.
So I ate slow-cooker pulled pork that I so thoughtfully started in the morning and took advantage of the only weeknight I have to hang out with C and watched the last two episodes of Season 3 Six Feet Under. OMG. Like, what happened to Lisa? Obviously she's dead (which i already knew because I read a spoiler on someone else's blog - which is almost unavoidable since I'm a year behind) but HOW?? I would cheer for Brenda to move in now but, dude, they guy in her building is hawt. She needs to go for him. At least long enough for a sex scene or two.
We both got a little teary (but SFU always does that to us) becuase everyone is calling "Lisa, Lisaaaaaa" and all "I think Lisa's dead" and Nate who reminds me sooo much of C is totally losing it. (According to C, Lisa is my double too but I don't see it - mostly) But their relationship was ridiculous anyway so maybe its all for the best.
She is the only character with my name I've ever seen that wasn't "the other woman" or just a complete crack ho. And now she's gone and I don't know why *sniff*.
Speaking of, did anyone notice that the woman at the bar that Nate goes home with is Trixie from Deadwood? I wonder how she feels about playing the "slut" in every HBO series appearance. She's such a great "tired hooker" though. I bet she is good in other roles.
When the hell is season 2 of Deadwood coming out on DVD anyway? I've had it up to here with the waiting.
***
Well, I have a dinner meeting tonight to start working on the Guatemalan Textile Museum newsletter re-design. Hello? Could there be a more fun project? We shall see, maybe the woman I have to work with is a nightmare. But I'm digging the subject matter. (Hey doesn't the casual way I say I've got a "dinner meeting" sound so professional. He he.)
***
Bellydance rehearsal went pretty well last night. At least I didn't feel like crying when I left. I'm actually starting to, dare I say it?.... Look Like a Dancer. Of course, this is just in our little studio, not all dressed up in front of lights and a ton of people (most of them dancers) like I will be next Sunday. Whew. Gonna need a few swigs on the ol' flask for that one. But it is such a good feeling when you start to notice hard work paying off.
Ha, thats a little new to me seeing how Hard Work has never been that present in my vocabulary.
***
Paid my bills today like a good girl. Somehow I missed one of my student loans last month. Even though I marked that I paid it on my budget. Shite. Thats going to look great when I try to consolidate next week. Gah! Money sucks.
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