Here And There

So if you are ever, say, going to ride a camel into the desert and spend the night there I have a recomendation for you: put your expensive digital camera with lots of teeny tiny unfixable inside parts inside some sort of case. Or better yet don't bring it at all because it turns out you only take a few pictures with it anyway. Because if you don't......

you get grains of sand in the teeny tiny unfixable parts and when you get home from your trip IT BREAKS. Yeah. Which sucks.

You are warned.

All of my mother's sisters have horrible allergies. My aunt Annie had such bad asthma/allergies as a child she almost died. She is also allergic to dust, wool (ack!), down, animals, etc. My Aunt Sallie, besides having hayfever and cat allergies, cannot put anything on her skin or it cracks and gets rashes. She has to wear cotton gloves to fold laundry, is forbidden by her doctor to ever wash a car, and is not allowed really to wash anything without gloves. My mom and her brother and my brother just have your average really bad hayfever and asthma.

I, on the other hand thought I had gotten away without any allergies. Oh, I had something as a child, they stuck me with lots of needles, put me on a horrible diet and never really found what it was. They decided it might be corn. Which I hate and never eat anyway. (I'm also never motion sick, while my mother and brother get sick looking at a picture of a rollercoaster). I laughed at their pain. I thought they were winers. "I'm all itchy and stuffy, who mowed the lawn!? wah wah"

But now. As of one week. I am horribly allergic to something in my bedroom. SUDDENLY! When I go to bed at night I get all stuffy, and by about 4 am I have to get up because I can no longer breath. Its strange how horrible it feels. I now understand what everyone is complaining about. I'm not okay with getting up at four in the morning either, by the way.

I slept out on the sorry excuse for a couch that is our futon last night to see if it was something in our room. It was, because this morning I felt fine until I went in to get dressed. My biggest fears are that it is either the cats or my down comforter.

I don't think it's the cats. THANK GODDESS. I would just live with never being able to breath again if that were the case. Because when I slept on couch, the cats slept all over my face and I didn't feel a thing. ( They can't come in the bedroom. Which sucks because Olive loves her some snuggle-time.)

And I used my down throw for a pillow last night so hopefully it's not that either.

Which probably leaves dust. Of which I have a prize winning collection in my room. Unfortunately, I don't have time to pull everything out and clean it because IT IS HOLIDAY TIME.

Maybe I'll get a air purifier?

Rant #1

Are you ever amazed by your own behavior? I amaze and disturb myself all the time. I have SO much to do right now and what did I do all day Sunday? Read my book and baked pumpkin bread. ( The Clan of the Cave Bear) Believe me, I enjoyed these few tasks immensely but, hello? All the stuff to do? Clean the filthy house, do laundry because I'm leaving for Oregon in three days, make the cat food we are days from running out of, knit on some of the christmas presents I have lined up? Nope. Not to mention things I'm actually getting paid for - the flyer, the brochure and the t-shirt design that all need to be finalized and sent out. Sheesh. Why am I so good at frustrating my own self!!? Its embarrassing that I don't have more control over myself.

Its just overwhelming and all these tasks require other little tasks and no matter how many bajillion lists I make to try to organize these things in my head, I'm at a stand still. And able to convince myself for a few hours that it's perfectly okay to sit here and read for just a little while, I'll get up and do my chores in a minute.

Anyway, I did have an awesome hike on Sunday morning. Its one of those fall mornings that are sunny and cool and feel really good on sweaty skin. My butt and calves are totally sore today. And best of all, I went with a friend and we chatted so much that I didn't even realize I was exercising, and also got lost. But what can you expect from walking and talking?

Now I'm at work and more stressed. And its all: "we have to take out this and this and this (all the interesting parts of your design), okay good. No, wait, this design is a little boring can we come up with a few more options?" Yeah. It's boring because you stripped it bare. Yes, I know it's my job to be creative and find a solution and make something out of nothing BUT I'M NOT FEELING CREATIVE RIGHT NOW!!. Okay, tantrum over.

But we are leaving on Wed. for the 11 hour drive to Oregon. I'm really looking forward to it. I checked out a book on tape. Philip Pullman's "The Golden Compass" which I love and know Cyrus will never actually read himself. So we will listen to it.

***
Rant #2

Am I the only one who finds it IMPOSSIBLE to knit for a boy? I would think I make good color choices, I do for the other things I knit. But I spent 1.5 hours in the yarn store and bought NOTHING because I could not decide on colors for Cyrus' stupid hat. Problem #1 (besides my indecision issue) is that most of the yarns, lets face it, are designed for women. In colors women, like myself, love. But not so much for boys. At least my boy. He is picky about his hats. He wants neutrals. He wants a fine gauge. Good Goddess. I think he's just going to get a new CD and a book on selling your art for Christmas. The knit hat is stressing me out too much.

***
Rave!

Okay. So I'm completely obsessed with (A.) Jane Austen and (B.) The BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. I'm one of those scary Jane Austen fans you hear about on NPR. Colin Firth will always be Mr. Darcy in my lustful eyes and I heart him.

So needless to say I was prepared to HATE the new adaption of Pride and Prejudice (I mean, Kiera Knightly?). My dance teacher invited me and fellow student Gail to go to see Harry Potter, but there was a computer mix up with the tickets so we opted to see Pride and Prejudice instead.

And, drum roll, I loved it. I couldn't help it. There were some irrtating parts (Its not that hard to make someone look like she is actually playing the piano, and Ms. Knightly's underbite to say the least) but on the whole I think they nailed it. They got that Jane Autsten-esqe dry humor and it was hilarious. They also did a good job of making it seem very real with the wardrobe and party scenes and such. Donald Sutherland stole the whole movie with his Mr. Bennett. I approve. The end.

I just feel like I need to put this out somewhere even if no one actually reads this.

Californians. You. Must. Vote. On. Tuesday. (Or today if you have absentee)

Arnie scheduled this ridiculously expensive election to bypass regular lawmaking in the democratic controlled legislature in hopes that voter turn out will be low and his sneaky bills will pass. He is counting on us not to vote! So you must. This is more important than even the presidential election because every vote counts.

At least vote no on 73. OMG some of us may not be able to imagine that there are girls who have to fear every day for their safety from their parents but there absolutely are. It is the parents' job to open up dialog about sex and abortion NOT THE STATE. Some girls could be kicked out their home, beaten, forced to have a child they could not take care of, or even killed if they were forced to tell their parents. I'd rather help these girls do what they needed to do to be safe, and then educate my own daughter and make her feel comfortable talking to me than make laws to force them to tell. VOTE NO ON 73.

If you are confused about the initiatives (which was the goal) here are a few links:

Alternet.org voter guide

Working Assests Voter Guide

Anti-gay church protests at soldiers’ funerals

Ahh. Rain. Finally.

Except even though this is the first rain of the season traffic wasn't horrible and ridiculous so I didn't get to be annoyed and feel smug and superior to the silly californians who can't drive in a little piddling rain. Oh well, probably next time.

Today is super busy at work and I also need to send the final newsletter to the printer. But its a good drizzly day to be busy at work. Not that I wouldn't rather be at home with the heat on, in my fuzzy feet, with kitties in my lap, knitting, and drinking tea. I'd ALWAYS rather be doing that.

Anyway, there are people coming to see the house tomorrow morning. The house is FILTHY. We're talking dishes in the living room, days old messes on the kitchen counter, vibraters on the bathroom counter, and clothes all of the bedroom floor. And I have bellydance tonight from 6:30-8:30. So from 9 to oh, about 2 am I'll be scrambling around with C trying to hide the fact we are slobs and maybe even perverts from potential new landlords.

It will be a busy day.

In other news I must also brag about how I worked four rows of the CBNJ in a PITCH BLACK bar lit only by the bar glow last night. And didn't fuck up.

I need a pair of driving mittens and some wrist warmers for work. Damn christmas. I want to knit for MYSELF!

Does this scare the HOLY LIVING CAT BARF out of anyone else?

Please, Sandra Day, don't leave us!! Not now!

Sorrry, if creepy, slimy, child beating, Dr. Dobson (who thinks the cartoon SPONGEBOB is GAY and should be removed from television) is rooting for ol' Harriet that must mean whatever she is hiding is some scary shit, and that she is a Flaming Minion of All Things Bad.

As a replacement for Sandra Day OcConnor? The only rational person on the court and the deciding vote on every issue?

This isn't political folks - Good Goddesss, THIS IS LIFE AND DEATH.

***
In Other Catastrophic and Disheartening News:

I have a cold. A really really bad one and it sucks. In fact I haven't been this sick in years. All weekend.

It could be bird flu.

***

Also I've come to realize that this is October and I need to come up with an Enviably Creative and Awe Inspiring halloween costume in one week. Also, if I don't get started on the Christmas presents I've once again made that stressful and unrealistic goal to HANDMAKE EACH AND EVERY ONE well on their way: I'll be toast.

Okay, there are people in the south WITHOUT a home or belongings, with deceased loved ones, there are people in Iraq suffering, and unimaginable things going on in Darfur.

This is what I'm telling myself so I don't sit here and wallow in self pity for one minute longer. And I really am going to gain persepctive, not only because of that white-liberal-middle class guilt I like to have going on but because I'm liable to get really depressed sometime here soon if I don't start getting happy. Cuz here's the deal:

1. As I've mentioned, my house is being put up for sale. Evidence:


2. I took my car into the mechanic this morning who, sweet man that he is (although a little drunk at times), told me that it will be $600 f'ing dollars to fix the oil leak. The leak that, had I gotten it taken care of when I first noticed it, would not have soaked through my timing belt and almost eaten it through.

3. My computer at work is B R O K E N. And like my car I did not get the malfunctioning automatic back-up system fixed when I noticed it wasn't working and now nothing is backed up and I lost I don't know how much of my work for the past 6 months. (noticing a theme here?)

4. Last night I found cat pee on my bed, on the easy chair, and on the futon couch. Yes, Camille. I honestly am at my wits end with this cat. I don't know how to deal with it. Obviously I can lock her out of any room with stuff to pee on but that sucks! And is impossible to maintain. I've tried everything and am losing it!

5. This morning I smelled gas in my house and called PG&E who found nothing and now I smell some more.

I have that familiar feeling of overwhelmed-ness that precedes a major depression streak. Especially because C is kind of down right now and actually being really awnery. But he knows it and is trying to be cool. In fact after an argument wed. night in which he was particularly out of line (I was an angel of course) he brought me these flowers yesterday:

Aren't they beautiful? I love thistles so thats why he got those and those white flowers, I don't know what they are but they are papery and so so white, I love them. So does Olive, they apparently taste good, hopefully they are not poisonous. (Don't worry PETA, I do not let her eat them) C is such a doll.

Anyway, those flowers are just one of the reasons I need not be depressed (as if logic has much to do with a chemical inbalance but hey, I'm trying). Besides, oh, having a place to live, things to eat and knowing that my loved ones are safe.....There are lots of positive things:

1. Olive is being especially love-y and cute today. (she feels bad for me about Camile and wants me to know shes not like that) She even carries her sparkly puff balls to me in her mouth to drop by my feet so I will throw it for her. "Kitty catch". It kills me and she hasn't done it in ages.

2. For once, instead of being accusing, C is with me on the depression thing and we are working together to be kind to each other and get through it. The fact is Katrina really affected both of us (remotely, obviously we weren't literally effected by it but I don't know how you can see that kind of thing even on the news and not have it effect you), I always get a little imbalanced coming home from a trip (jet lag, percieved anti-climax I guess) and then of course all these loads of issues at once.

3. There were able to get most of my files of my computer remotely (it won't start up) and put in on a hard drive so I can work at home. So now I'm at home instead of work blaring music on my itunes and drinking tea freshly imported from China and..... blogging! (and throwing sparkly cat toys for Olive)

4. Landlord got the hot tub fixed!

5. C and I are going on a date tonight. And I actually HAVE him. I just called a friend who was on the trip to China and found out her husband left her when she got back. She's devastated.

So anyway, long post. Not about China yet because I'm compiling all that. But yeah. We've all got problems.

Well the reality that is my life has struck me with full force. My first day of work was not as bad as I thought it would be. My boss was gone, and things had ACTUALLY GOTTEN done while I was away so I was able to catch up on email etc. But today at our meeting we were informed that everything that usual needs to be done six months from now, actually needs to be done in 3. And the stuff that needs to be done right now actually still needs to be done RIGHT NOW! So you know, stress.

Also my car is dying. I took it to get the oil changed (something about that black dripping underneath and the burning smell and the squeaky brakes and tendency to overheat made me think it may need a little love and care). After much muffled shouting below I was told that my car has a massive oil leak and it was dripping all over their heads. Also, they can't change my oil because the plug in the pan is fucked. So I have to make an appointment with the mechanic.

And then I think we are getting kicked out of our flat. Well, my landlord is selling. I got it out of him finally. (hmmm, termite inspections etc. make one a little suspicious) It sucks because our house is great. Our rent is reasonable, the place is huge, our neighbors are cool, our landlord is fantastic and we have a fucking hot tub!!! It probably won't happen for a while but its still stressful. Moving, even if you can find a place with the same rent, is expensive! PLUS:

C wants to actually buy a house.. . . . in the bay area..... and we have no money. I guess people say it can be done but with my student loans going up as well and the fact that I'll probably need a new car I just don't see it. Plus I always kinda thought I'd have something shiny on my finger before we did that. We'll see, maybe I will*, and maybe its not as hard as I think.

So basically I came home from China broke and realizing that I needed a new car, we are going to have to move and maybe BUY place, and my student loans are going up.

Damn, being a grown up sucks.


* I believe I forgot to tell dear diary that I plan to propose to C this year. I was thinking over Christmas since we'll be in Alaska, all snowy and fireplace-y and romantic. I just haven't thought of how to do it. More on this later I'm sure.

P.S. Not only do I have pictures of my trip, but new projects. I swear, soon.

All this reading about Hurricane Katrina and New Orleans every day for about 4 days many feelings have come up naturally (you know, like, horror, fury, nausea). But the one that comes up again and again is:

I am so fucking lucky. And blessed.

I felt lucky just to be able to sit on my cozy couch with my healthy cats and my boyfriend who loves me. And I am.

Also, I seem to be dodging the run of the mill non-human catastrophe type bad luck. Unlike C. Who bought a $300 drum machine off ebay that came yesterday -- and it's broken. He either got screwed or something happened in the mail. He's bummed.

Then this morning after getting up early to have coffee with me like the sweetheart he is (because I'm leaving for Shasta tomorrow for the weekend and he is leaving to play a show in L.A. today).... he went out to his new (to him) truck to find the dash ripped out and the stereo stolen. He's only had it for a week. OUR NEIGHBORHOOD IS SO AWESOME! Right in front of our door.

Then he took it to get the oil changed and get smogged.... and it failed smog. Because the gas cap was loose (? I dont' know. I guess it happens?)

Poor guy. Thats three though. Things happen in threes so maybe he's done with the bad luck. Unless thats MULTIPLES of three which could mean like, what 6? or 9? Yikes. I won't mention that to him. And because of the fact he is driving with the band to LA today, I'll just really hope that it is only 3.

Anyway. Besides feeling lucky, and appalled at humanity, and generally depressed. I also feel helpless! Both to help C and the people in the south. Thats so frustrating.

But at least with the hurricane victims we can help a little. Susan from I'm knitting as fast as I can set up a knitters fund. I donated. Not much, cuz I'm in a little trouble in the money department (god I feel like a scab complaining about that). But I'm thinking every little bit helps. At least I hope it does. Because otherwise I'll be putting on my swimsuit and flying to New Orleans to GET THOSE PEOPLE SOME GODDAMNED FOOD AND WATER. Since apparently the federal government, while completely capable of waging unnecessary wars in other countries is INCAPABLE of that. Its mind boggling.