Here And There

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06/30/2006

The One Where I Discover The Root of My Disfunction

I can't possibly say how happy I am that it is Friday and that in a few hours I will be done with work for four. whole. days!

Those days will be almost entirely filled with stressing about the piece I am making for the upcoming art show. Ha! Hopefully a little work will be done on it too. I really am a diseased person. Why do I hate doing the only thing that gives my life purpose? Why can't I just make something instead of making such a huge deal out of everything.

There are also BBQs this weekend. And I am maybe making my berry pie and also maybe ribs! Cooking is easy for me because most of the time everybody loves it and I am sustained therefore.

Hmmm, maybe my problem is that I exptect everyone to react the same way to my art that they do with my cooking. But no one makes orgasmic "mmm, mmm"ing noises over most people's art right? And why do I even need that in the first place? I am missing something of my own that I require people to validate me like that.

Man, Cyrus picked a good one. he he.

Anyway, there was enough crazy in the last post, I don't need to bore my poor diary with more.

I've been going to the gym this week! And it feels so good! I really don't like being out of shape.. I hate it worse than I hate lifting weights in that sweaty man world so I guess that is the choice I have to make. Also, C and I have been eating really healthy so maybe I can get rid of the muffin top that I thought would be fun to have. (Yeah I thought that, as a bellydancer, it might be cute if I had a little pudge. Guess what, when you have a small frame and you are no taller than 5'....it's not cute. It just looks unhealthy. I'm just not volumptious and this has helped me accept that).

Plus squats are great for bellydance stamina!

22:15 Posted in Eat'n , Mak'n stuff | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

06/29/2006

I Was Going to Post This Yesterday But I Got Distracted.

It just rained for a few minutes and now the smell of wet dry ground is wafting in my windows. I love that smell. It's so sweet and muggy, I could hyperventilate inhaling it so deeply.

Right now I can't decide whether to write about why I'm trying to lose weight. Or why I started birth controll again. Or about my new art piece and the fact that it will be on a wall with other art in two weeks. That I'm leaving for Oregon next weekend for my cousin's shower and I need to do the decorations for that. That my new dance choreography is exciting, dynamic and challenging but that I'm behind because I haven't been able to practice outside of class. That I've been taking a painting workshop and a Goddess workshop and they were both really inspiring and neat. Or that I have tons of ideas for sewing projects and have knitting that is itching to be done. Are you confused, bored and slightly frustrated yet dear Diary? Because I am.

I'm all over the place right now. Spinning mental circles. For some reason, lately, my attention span is that of a tiny flying insect. Maybe I'm overwhelmed. I get this way when I'm either depressed or overwhelmed, and of course those two things go hand in hand too.

But, most of the things that are overwhelming me are so positive and interesting that I'm feeling REALLY frustrated I can't put my finger on one thing and do it start to finish.

What an obnoxious post! I think though, that great diary posts are ones that a person is able to sit back and reflect on an experience and then write about that reflection. And honey, I'm not reflect on anything right now. I'm doing only reactionary, slightly confused thinking and oh god! I feel like such a baby, my life is not that hard! Why can't I handle daily issues like everyone else in this world?

In more fun and saner news, we threw away our old beat up hibachi grill and bought a grown up BBQ last weekend. And so far we've used it twice with fantastic results!

We also had a really nice time in Napa last weekend.

23:59 Posted in Eat'n | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

06/23/2006

Do My Eyes Deceive Me?

Is that a finished project??? I actually made something! And didn't talk about it for a month first!

Okay so it's really small and quick and looks just slightly (exactly) like something else but it's still something! This was for a baby shower at work. And it was nice to do some knitting again. I'm inspired to get out my old knitting projects and see if I can't unravel them (Camille has gotten to them all by now) and start them up again.

Also I finished my cousin's bridal shower invitations. These were so fun! Her shower is a 40's/50's housewife theme. I included a recipe card on the back to be filled out and given to my cousin at the end of the shower as a group gift. Because while showers are silly most of the time the really cool thing about them (besides the gifts I guess) is the community of women. Where we grew up there was always the same women at all the showers. They spanned all ages and some we saw every day some only at events like these. But with that many women in one room celebrating life's big moments it is such a valuable collective of knowledge and femininity. So I thought that everyone writing down a recipe or word of advice for her marriage would be the perfect way to express that. Anyway, I'm making decorations out of scanned ads from my vintage 40's women's magazines. My aunt found a cache of vintage aprons at a church bazaar and we are giving those out as favors.

The images I used here were from my old magazines too. My favorite is the lady in the bottom right corner. She was REALLY excited about her clean laundry (thanks to Tide). Now she's REALLY excited about my cousin's shower.

Also I used my new envelope liner templates from the Paper Source and I have to say I love them! The paper is from Paper Source too and just matched perfectly.

17:40 Posted in Mak'n stuff , Nitt'n | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this

06/20/2006

Another weekend, no big announcements this time.

Apparently I only post about my weekends now. But I had an incredibly busy and fun one. I'm still in the clouds about my engagement. Telling my friends and family was an ordeal, most of them told each other though. It was interesting to see how word spreads.

But I spent this weekend doing bellydance stuff mostly. On friday night we went to a local thing at Gypsies of Jazhan. Originally Gail had suggested we perform since it was small and casual (just a little store party) but we didn't have a lot of time because I went away last weekend and was really busy at work. But I think now we should have thrown something together. It would have been the perfect event to start doing something like that and like Gail said "um, they could have used a little variety too". But there were really great dancers there and it was really fun! Then Sunday we went to the Ansuya, Jill Parker show at Amira. Which was great, Ansuya was best by far but Jill Parker had a really great drum solo too. Ansuya is just so fabulous. She's such a professional performer and is so fun to watch especially in a small little setting like that.

So we've kind of decided to have a costume and little routine together so when something like the party Saturday night comes along we can perform. Because the more performance experience the better. I see people dancing all the time and think "I could probably do that..." so why aren't I? Well, I'm lucky that I have a friend that is also willing and ready to start doing stuff like that.

In other news, work has really been an engagement buzz kill. I'm not happy and thats all I'm gonna say right now because I get paranoid about these kinds of things. Yuk.

17:17 Posted in Bellydanc'n | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

06/12/2006

We're Getting Married. Am I Dreaming?

For our eight year anniversary in March my friend Pam (who was in India with us) gifted us a stay at her cabin at the Russian River near Duncans Mills. We have been so busy doing this or that but we finally got a weekend to go up there. It is such a beautiful drive (if you avoid Santa Rosa that is). The grassy rolling hills dotted with cows, the beautiful ferny redwood forests. And the beach is so near. There are wonderful swimming holes in the Russian River but it was a little chilly still. So we decided to go hiking at the Armstrong Redwoods State Preserve.

We wandered around feeling small among the giant thousand year old redwoods. Even with people around I felt like it was just us and there was a stillness that you only find in the forrest. I love the outdoors and so does Cyrus which is something I really love about him. From the beginning eight years ago we had that connection. Which was important because we were so different from each other, and yet now, it feels the same too.

We decide to start back down the trail after an hour or so. As we are walking back Cyrus stops to check out two giant redwoods burnt out at the base from some forrest fire that happened two years ago or hundreds of years ago I can't tell. They are so tall we can't see the tops and they've leaned over on each other and are growing together leaning on one another. And at the bottom, between them, is a cave-like opening. Cyrus walks over to it and I admonish him for walking off the trail in such a high use area. But I go over when he calls me to. And it feels protective under there. I kneel down to take a picture of him and the trees and he is looking at me funny. He tells me he'll take a picture of me and takes my camera. I'm flipping my hair back and trying to position my chin to get the best light when I notice he doesn't have the camera.

All I notice is there is now a ring in his hand and he's kneeling in front of me. It takes me what feels like ages to comprehend what is happening and he says "will you marry me". All I can do is laugh/cry and I can't make any words. I finally say yes and we spend a long time hugging and crying under the trees.

The ring fits perfectly. And I don't even mind that its a diamond. (lol, sounds funny but I don't want to support the inhumane diamond mining conditions) It's his late grandmother's engagement ring. The only grandmother of his I was able to meet. He had it sized based on another ring he bought me that fit that finger. So sly. I had no idea it was coming.

But I'm so happy.

18:40 Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

06/05/2006

Random Weekend Notes

So this was a truly excellent weekend. Friday night I made dinner and then C and I went out for a walk and *shock* talked about the future. Or at least the future of our careers. How to achieve our goals, get the hell out of where we are and how to bring more art into our lives. It was great. And then we went home and ....wait for it... watched Disk1 of Season Two DEADWOOD. Oh my, so happy. Damn, it's getting intense, Mrs. Bullock is there! Fighting between Bullock and Swearengen! Alma is looking as gorgeous in her dresses as always, and boy, Cy Tolliver is a nasty man.

Anyway, Saturday was spent listening to my iPod and riding my bike to the Berkeley farmers market and other various places. It was so sunny and breezy and the farmers market was exploding with tasty fruits and vegetables and beautiful bezerkely people. I loaded up my pack and made C a glorious dinner of fresh stuff. Grapefruit and avocado salad with greens to start, artichokes from our backyard with butter and fried baby zucchini for the main course, and sliced strawberries with cream for dessert. They were the best strawberries I've had all year.

C was very preoccupied with sculpting his next piece. He has another possible show coming up. I won't say what it is because I don't want to jinx it but it could be really great.

On Sunday we went to have a picnic on Mt. Tam with our friends Joel and Christa. It was soooo beautiful, we were situated on a beautiful grassy hill overlooking the ocean cliffs and with no one in sight. We saw/heard a rattlesnake, there were butterflies everywhere, we smoked a little and laughed our asses off. And after we went out for ice cream. After taking a two hour nap, we went back over to Christa and Joel's to eat dinner and watch Footballer's Wives. Which, we have been (inexplicably) told was really great. People! This was the worst show I've ever seen! Ever! The acting was pathetic, the plot-lines nonexistent or spastic, dialog was embarrassing, etc. etc. Don't see it.

Other than that I could not describe a better weekend at home. It was so chill and berkeley and sunny.. Yes! Just what I needed.

I even broke out my knitting again. It has been languishing for so long I wasn't even reading knitting blogs!!! Unbelievable.

Anyway, now it's Monday. End of that story.

21:42 Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this

06/01/2006

You Know You're Broke When...

So it's come to this again:
• No new books (the library is my friend)
• No new Cds
• No unnecessary drinks out (BYOB baby)
• No eating out (BYOLunch!)
• Only one movie OR music show per month not to exceed $20
• Pay all bills on time to avoid late fees
• Watch more closely where I park (parking tickets are like a monthly bill in the bay area)
• Ride my bike everywhere but work
• Go through the house looking for stuff to sell (no really, we're gonna have a yard sale)
• No new fabric or yarn
• NO SHOPPING! ONLINE, THRIFT OR OTHERWISE *crumples to the floor in tears*

I'm hurtin!

It's getting dire. After racking my credit card up with wedding presents, [not] fixing my car, and [sort of] fixing my computer I'm broke as a really bad joke.

Not only that but the upcoming expenses are starting to keep me up at night. Granted, most of these are pretty much optional and for entertainment purposes but I don't REALLY have a choice. And normally I would be able to afford them just not all at once

In the next three months

$400 - Two plane tickets to Portland for weddings $200 each! Thank you Alaska Airlines, I feel so violated.
$100 - The Goddess Moving Meditation workshop I signed up for months ago
$50 - extra a month for the new troupe rehearsal time
$200+++? - New bellydance costume before August (oh man this is an expensive obsession)
$100 - Two wedding presents
$50? - Two shower presents. (I'm keeping these low cause' *whine* I have to pay for two!)
$50 - Painting from the Wild Heart workshop I signed up for months ago *oops*
?$ - Renee's birthday

Damn!
Plus we are taking a trip to Russian River- not to mention its summer time, and picnics, camping and all the best bands will be in town..you know. Ug! And I haven't paid off the $500+ for my car repair or wedding presents yet!

Anybody need some graphic design work done? Housework? Weeds pulled? Come on.

Haha! This is me about 3-4 years ago after I lost my wallet in Palm Desert. Its how I feel right now. Pale-ass legs and all.

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