Here And There

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04/25/2006

Bad Things do Happen in Threes

Okay here is a list of technology that I owned two years ago

1. An aged beige Mac G3
2. A cordless (landline) phone

What I had as of January 2006:

1. A 2003 white iMac G4 (the lamp looking one) $2000
2. A Samsung teeny tiny flip cell phone $200
3. A Canon PowerShot A95 digital Camera $200
4. A M125 Palm Pilot - Gift ($100)
5. An 15GB iPod - Gift ($300)

What has been broken in the last two months

1. My iMac hard drive
2. My camera (now fixed)
3. My cell phone - as of this Sunday afternoon when, while talking to my boyfriend, my friend and walking partner got a little too dramatic with the Talking With The Hands and accidently slapped it out of my hand where it flew many feet to land directly on the curb of Shattuck and Alcatraz in my beloved Oakland, shattering the flip end off.

That means that I have my aged Palm Pilot and scratched up iPod left. Both things I will be unable to re-purchase.

So lets hope that 3 was the magic number and The Bad Luck With Technology curse has now been lifted because. Dude. This sucks.

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04/21/2006

Eerily accurate and quite amusing quiz

Find your own pose!

Classic Spoons Traits and Tendencies
Critics may write off Classic Spoons as too "vanilla," but people who dismiss this pose as flavorless clearly have never been properly spooned. Proper placement may be easy to achieve, but a true Classic Spoons is more than two bodies curled back-to-front. It's a rare couple indeed who can create the almost tangible bubble of comfort, safety, and emotional agreement that surrounds this pose. Some theorize that it requires thighs of similar lengths, others claim it takes two outsized hearts to generate even a passable Spoons. But almost everyone agrees that a bona fide Classic Spoons is a clear sign of a pair that is well balanced and complementarily scented.

Comfort Zone
Classic Spoons is a Sun Sleeper pose. Other Sun poses to explore include The Seatbelt and The Heimlich.

Health Note
Your unusually low blood pressure may prevent you from giving blood or joining some small armies.

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04/19/2006

Wigs - they take the blues away..

I'm so sorry I neglect you, dear journal. Your cold little microchip heart must be breaking. Well, I have been busy sewing, and the cats have been busy making that difficult. As evidenced:





I've also been knee deep in all kind of emotional drama including relationship issues, the possible demise of my boyfriend's really awesome band and a loss of key friendships. I'm not sure if I will elaborate there.

Also lots of rain. And my back doors are still leaking. Like they were last year when I told my landlord about it. Oh well, if he likes rain water leaking down through the hardwood floors and into his bedroom thats his business, not for me to judge.



Also, bellydance performance coming up. Hence the sewing. It's on sunday and I have only 25% of my costume done. BUT today I bought HAIR! From the Biggest Hair Shop in The World. Right on Telegraph Ave. Oakland. I luuve buying fake hair, it will improve my mood no matter how gloomy. I can have any slighly synthetic looking hairstyle I want for only $30!! Maybe it's why I got into bellydancing. Pics soon, dear journal.

Good news: a student of my teachers is doing a little travel film on bellydancing in the bay area for her work so we are going to Kan Zaman restaurant to watch bellydancing for this film with my teacher and a couple other students. It will be SO fun.

More good news: My computer tech friend found a 300G hard drive for $100 with rebates (uh, thats $200 off) so I'm happy, and he might be able to fix my naughty little iMac for $200 total, which is also a steal... if it works. AND WE ARE HOPEFUL NOW!

Well, this evening I have the last bellydance rehearsal before Sunday. And, I have to dye my hair to match my fake hair, and maybe get some more sewing done. So I better get some work-work done so I can get the hell out of here.

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04/07/2006

Mood Swing?

Well, the last post was my pain and disappointment. This one is about healing and hope...um, hopefully.

I've spent one evening getting advice and talking with some dear and very wise friends. And another evening with C talking about us.

I mean it still sucks. I'm still embarrassed and hurt and disappointed in him. But I've just been looking at it in the scheme of things and I really do believe him when he says he's sorry, he won't do it again, he hates himself for doing it, and he'll do anything he can to help me through it. When I told him that I wanted to work through it with him the relief on his face was almost painful to see. He really is a good guy and he really does love me. And he is doing everything I need him to right now (although I could use some flowers - who couldn't) he answers truthfully all my masochistic detailed questions, he takes my abuse one minute and holds me and tells me he loves me the next, he's not pushy about anything even when I could see in his eyes he was desperate for me to tell him I would stay with him. He hasn't asked for my forgiveness - which he won't get for quite a while. I just really appreciate it.

We'll see how I feel when I have to see her again (and yes, I've known this woman for 6 years, he's going to tell her I know so I don't have to). But he is totally worth the pain I feel right now.

This weekend contains dinner with friends, a party we are going to bail out on and hang out together, art shows in Oakland, and a bridal shower for my really good friend. Hopefully it will also contain some desperately needed sunshine, some sewing and a release from these menstrual cramps. And also hopefully flowers.

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04/05/2006

A Good Time for My Own Pity Party

Happy belated Beltain! [edit 4/6 or not... I'm not sure why my palm pilot said monday was beltain instead of next month like it should have been...apparently I was not in a state to figure these things out by myself until later inspection... oh well that just means I didn't waste it feeling sorry for myself]

Instead of spending it at some dionyian naked bonfire celebrating fertility with my beloved, I sat on my couch crying into my tea with my very sweet and supportive friend (maybe a little over-dramaticishly - and yes, thats a word!)

Because monday after work my boyfriend of EIGHT YEARS who was my rock - my stable, healthy, responsible, trustworthy, faithful shelter from the storm… told me that he has cheated on me twice in the past and has been lying to me for many years about it because he was 'afraid to lose me'.

I'm not really that jealous of a girl. Women tend to fall for my boyfriend, but how can I blame them? He is a catch as far as I'm concerned. He's handsome, talented, caring and sweet. He's also a sexual person and if he looks at other beautiful women sometimes on the street, why should I care? Why should I want him to NOT see things that are beautiful in this world? Besides (*unamused cackle*) he would never be unfaithful!

We met SO early. We were barely adults. I understand this. He had never experienced, at 20/21, forward women, who were confident, beautiful and…wanted him.

I just never never never thought that he would give in. I would swear to people "he would never ever cheat on me" when he lived a state away from me. And I wasn't trying to convince them of it… I believed it.

And that is what is rocking my world right now. I was so wrong about him.

He is human and weak and capable of lies. It may sound silly not to know this about any man but there you go.

With my horrible experience with other men you would think I would not be so naive. I have officially been cheated on by every man I have been with…somehow I doubt I am alone in this grim percentage. But how can you not see it in someone after almost a decade?! Am I blind?! Maybe I'm not and my insistence that he was incorruptible was a defense mechanism against the truth I could feel. Either way I was duped.

It could be worse. Both of these times (although…both means twice!) were one time only deals very early on in our relationship and he hated himself after. His subsequent lies were partly used to try and forget it even happened. And it has been six years since.

I don't think this is the end of our relationship. But my trust and foundation have really been shattered. I don't even know how to begin to heal. He will have to help me I guess, answer my questions, deal with my insecurities and be very patient.... and never ever lie to me again. We have to start over.

But I'm not going to tell him that yet. I still want him sleeping on the couch. This can't be easy for him or I will seem like a fool and he won't have respect for me. But he does love me and he knows now to give me space and let me get out what I need to. I guess I have hope. But I"m so disappointed in him. That is what really hurts.

Be prepared for more depressing ramblings on above subject. Fun!

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04/04/2006

At Work. In Shock. It's Fun.

Nothing good can come of a conversation that starts "Lisa, I need to tell you something…I should have told you a years ago, but I was afraid of losing you…"

Nothing. good. at. all.

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04/03/2006

Cute Ebay find

I probably don't need a pattern to make a sewing machine cover, but this old pattern was so cute I couldn't resist bidding 3.00 on it. I have a ton of fabric that can only be used for projects this size so maybe I will actually make one (even though I already have a hard cover for my machine - who says projects have to be usefull??). Check out that retro sewing table. I want.

18:03 Posted in Mak'n stuff | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this