Here And There

My 2006 Card

Goals

There's some major seriousness below. You are warned. But I need to write this down somewhere so it can become real and I can get some sleep at night.

I normally eschew resolutions, but I don't think that is what these are. I don't plan to accomplish them in a year time frame or anything. These are all things I need to do RIGHT NOW, and none of them involves a StairMaster (not that one couldn't hurt).

Goal # 1. Make a move on my career.
- At least, decide on what is next. Part time/freelance? Freelance only? Full time at a studio? I'm 27 this year. It's time to find something that will work for me. The current situation.... it is not working. I've stayed with this job because I am SO SCARED to put myself out there and find something else. And I've convinced myself that I'm not good enough to do something better. Which may or may not be true but I'll never know if I don't try. So I'm starting the terrifying task of updating my portfolio. (Why this task is terrifying requires a couple years of therapy and a 6000 word post so I'll have to get back to you on that one)

2. Have The Talk with C
- Marriage? Kids? We have been together too long (8 years 3/21/06) to not know what the future holds for our relationship. It's crazy we've never seriously talked about this. So my plan it to let him know before I leave for India (without requiring any kind of answer) that I don't feel we are moving forward with our relationship, that as the years go by marriage seems more and more important to me and that it's starting to make me sad that we don't talk about the future. Which is hard because we get along SO GREAT and it seems that by doing this I'm creating problems where there are none. But I'm realizing that I'm not REALLY creating a problem, the problem is already there and I'm finally getting around to addressing it. But man, I'm nervous. What a huge step. I had decided last year that I would propose to him but I've recently have a friend talk me out of that. Only because if I ask him and he says yes he may never be truly sure that it is what he wants, and I want to know that he made that decision because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and not because he felt pressured. I have always been so offended by the stereotype of the woman who "traps" and pressures and whines for marriage. I hate those jokes and I've always been very aware of that image, I think it is unfair. And I think it stems from the fact that women are often the grounding, realistic person in many hetero relationships, the people who see the reality of things and can envision the future. C is usually my link to the earth but maybe not in this case..

3. Be serious about dancing.
-Really practice more. Go to all the festivals. Maybe take another class besides Wednesday? Collect costume stuff. I'm really excited about this goal! I have finally found something that I really LOVE and am good at and I have to really pursue it.

4. Remember my art table.
-I need to draw again, make prints, do some painting, cut some paper.

5. Save some money, do some damage on those *F*ing school loans.
-If I'm going to do something like go part time or freelance I'm gonna need some CASH! I have a car that is paid off, a steady income right now. The future will hold a new car, less money and more responsibilities (Wedding? Kids? We may buy a house? that is, if #2 goes well) and will only make it harder to pay this off. So I better start now!

Hmm, so ambitious. But, like I said, I'm almost 30 and I've been coasting along for too long. So this year's journal might be full of this kind of stuff. Hopefully, anyway.

I need some wine now.