Here And There

Can you guess what happens when you don't practice dancing for a week because someone compliments you and your head gets all swollen and big and you think you HAVE THAT BOOTY SHAKIN' THING DOWN and you get all lazy?

Well, you go to class and make a complete idiot out of yourself by forgetting what part is which MULTIPLE TIMES and generally Fucking Up.

Yep thats what happens. Not that I know from experience or anything. Hoo Hoo, not me.

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Good lord in heaven above, I'm ready for the weekend.

My boss just sent me her ofoto gallery of when her brother and sisters and their husbands/boyfriends came to visit her for her 30th birthday. They are a group of awesome fun people, I've hung out with them before. But something about these pictures made me envy them a little bit.

They are singing at karaoke, dancing in the bar, stumbling home giving each other piggy rides, generally acting silly and having a blast. Wearing wacky clothes and laughing in every picture. I mean, there is nothing so cool about stumbling home and falling on the sidewalks of San Francisco, but its the attitude, and genuineness of the pictures that made me wish I was there because it looked so fun . But two things struck me about my life looking at those pictures:

1. How cool would it be to have a relationship like that with your adult siblings? Hanging out with my family is great but it's not like that. Going out and drinking and having fun? I love my brothers but I have to admit it is SO strained. It really upsets me when i think about it. But we are just SUCH different people. I don't understand why that would be - we have the same genes! We were raised by the same people! But it's like we are from a different planet. They are 24 and 22. They stayed home in little Aurora, Or. Adopted my parents fucked up super
conservative self-absorbed politics. Are anti-social and think I'm just the biggest hippy-pinko-californian "elitist". I mean, they can't relate to me either.

I envy having that easiness and camaraderie.

2. I can't remember the last time I had a night of fun like that. I mean when you act silly and have a blast and you wake up the next morning and your cheeks hurt from laughing so much the night before. I love the people I hang out with but God Damn! When did everyone become TOO FUCKING COOL?! We've all adopted that SF bay area too-cool-for-school, I'm-so-cutting-edge-and-I-dog-on-everyone-and-their band attitude. I mean it rubs off. We wouldn't be caught dead at a karaoke bar. Or wearing anything that isn't the most hip, up to date, emo-wear. Or dancing! Or listening to anything but local, unheard of, non-"sold-out" music. Or showing any kind of enthusiasm for anything.

I guess I'm really complaining more about "the scene" than my own friends although it does apply to them (and of course we would heartily reject my implication they we part of any scene because we are always complaining about said "scene", yet we are naturally) And not all of my friends are like that, but really the other half is the type that goes to bed at 10pm on the weekends so, you know.

I'm tired of being insecure (because that is what it is all about) and looking down at other people, and people's art and music. I was once one of those people that would dance to bands I liked and was up for anything however dorky it may make me look. And when I liked something I showed it! Its just so faux and boring to pretend to be cool. I'M NOT REALLY COOL. I mean who is?

Who cares if I haven't heard of the latest underground bands, or know this artist, or that drummer? I've never been good at things like that. I have good taste, I like what I like. Liking something just because they have a little following or someone because they know so-and-so and are in with this crowd is so high school. Which is so funny because this "scene", if thats what it is, thinks they are fundamentally rejecting all that when they are the worst, but just in a different way. Okay, that is a little off the subject of the photos I was looking at but you know. Tangents. They happen.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to reject all my friends and stop going to shows and stuff. But I think I've been inspired to be a little more inclined to just live life.

I am resolving to be a little more free and honest. I will be up for anything, and I will try to surround myself with people who are up for anything. Who cares if I will be tired in the morning, or if people will sneer if I dance, or whatever. Life is short and I am young and this is the time to do it. I need some more joy in my life.

Yes, I think I need a little more joie de vivre.

AMEN?!

Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah.
But whenever Monday comes---but whenever Monday comes
You can find me crying all of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime.

Okay, I have a pretty busy week ahead of me. Goal #1 is to find where I misplaced my motivation, and locating my attention span would be nice too. #2 Get a serious start on that Newsletter. #3 Get back to practicing belly dance everyday. #3 Clean the fucking house and do the goddamn laundry (yes, cussing is necessary in this case). #4 Get actual work done at WORK. #5 water the plants

I am getting a little out of control. Bills are out of control. My house is out of control. My plants are dying. And my workload is out of control. It's the Out of Control part of my cycle of dysfunction. I'll get it back together for a few weeks until I get PMS, or sick or incur some random monetary expense and it will all go to hell again. Barring any of those events life will still slowly fall into disarray anyway, thereby throwing me into the state of craziness once again.

My house is a nightmare and I even spent all of saturday cleaning it. I got to everything except the bedroom which will probably take a day in itself. I should post a picture of it just to shame myself.

Everything was looking really good on Saturday but then I had people over for dinner on Sunday and the kitchen became a disaster zone again. I think C is going to help me with that tonight though. So my main priority is the bedroom.

As soon as the house is clean I think I can get started on the rest of the stuff. Having the house messy really stresses me out. Sometimes I don't notice that it has been wearing on me until I clean it and suddenly I feel like I can take full breaths again. I guess it's the whole Feng Shui thing. Unfortunately I can't keep it clean no matter how hard I try. If it didn't bother me it wouldn't be so bad but it does, so there ya go.

I have belly dance rehearsal tonight and after that it is clean the bedroom time! So exciting.

Anyway, to pick up the mood of this post I'll leave you with some pictures of my artichokes which are the only healthy thing in my garden.

Cheers - L

Just a note to brag that yesterday at bellydance rehearsal my teacher said

"I'm very impressed with you, Lisa. You are doing really well, thanks for doing the work that got you where you are. I took a chance putting you in the front row and I'm not sorry I did."

Ha! I was so worried about being in the front row and I could tell she was a little worried too (I just started this year). I was so intimidated because most of the people in my troupe had much more experience and some were even professional.

I'm just happy because she noticed all the practice I've put into dancing. I HAVE been working really hard and I'm pleased with how much I have improved. So it made me feel good to hear her say that. And for the longest time I was freaking out that I'd never be good enough.

*grin*

Check out this artwork by Nathan Cordero I found on fecal face

Its carved with a razor blade from a painted closet door. *drool* so graphic. I love it. Negative shapes make me happy. There is an opening for this show Saturday night at the Low Gallery. But I can't go because I have not one, but two prior engagements. A STUPID potluck and my boyfriends STUPID band is playing at the Lobot Gallery. Just kidding. They aren't stupid and I can't wait to go, but I do wish I could work in a third engagement. I don't think I can though.

There is an opening on Fridayat the Lobot that I AM going to. It should be really good. Good artists there, LIKE C! Who's sculpture just turned out fantastic.

Here is more Nathan Cordero <3 <3 <3 <3.

Ahhh. Kittens.

I woke up this morning to this:

This stretches through three rooms. Thats all I really need to say.

I didn't realize how good I had it with Olive knitting-wise. If I were actively knitting sometimes she would bat at my needles and I've posted before about her taste for Lamb's Pride. But other than that she left it alone. Camille on the other hand may not be long for this world if she doesn't BACK OFF MY WOOL! She's unravelled 3 skeins of Kureyon. And when I push her away she jumps back up over and over and over until I boil over and insist that C keep her in the room with him. She's horrible that way so I wasn't surprised to discover this. But annoyed. Very annoyed.

But despite constant interference by the kitty resistance I've been able to make some progress on my knitting. Target has some really cute school supplies (I love school supply season don't you?) and I bought this binder for my knitting patterns and notes and such.






I wish I had before and after pictures of my stash because I bet you think that looks messy don't you? Girlfriend, you don't know messy. This is 100 times better.
Anyway I also started the Hurry up Spring arm warmers for Renee. Knit a little more on the tiny scarf for myself I'm making out of leftover Baby Alpaca Grande. (Oh the softness)But not so much progress on NBJ:

NEWS-FLASH BECAUSE YA'LL DIDN'T KNOW THIS: Knitting sweaters is hard. Even bitty ones for your niece. At least it's hard for me apparently. I either can't count or am just dumb. Because I've got a different number of stitches for both sleeves and front panels. As in like FOUR extra. How does this happen? It looks like I made all the increases. But ONCE AGAIN I am unknitting this stupid sweater. I am also wondering if it will be too big for her. It is so hard when she lives so far away and I was smart enough NOT to measure her while she was visiting me. Sheesh.

Anyway, we all know that when a project gets frustrating and needs to be fixed......
You start a different one. I bought the ever popular One Skein Wonder pattern Because I'll need something to cover my indecent shoulders in China that won't be too hot. So I thought - cotton. And bought this:in Butter
I feel much better now.

***

Oh, and working with C last night was so great. All I did was paint different shades of red stripes on the inside of the frame/box his sculpture was in but it was just so nice to work alongside him. And have him trust me to do it. Also. For another post: we really need to talk about why this was the first time in probably years I've picked up a paintbrush. Serious issues girl.

I forgot how nice it was. How I just lost track of time and watched the red paint flow onto the wood. And thats just f*ing solid stripes. Need to get back to some artwork. But yeah, more on that in a different post.

I just watched the greatest documentary My Flesh and Blood About a woman who adopted a bunch of children with special needs. Its heartbreaking but beautiful. The children are amazing. Especially the one with who was burned as a baby and the one with Epidermolysis Bullosa (horrible, horrible disease). They are just such sweet people despite what they are going through emotionally and physically. And knowing people with ADHD and maybe having ADD myself I really felt for Joe. He was such a monster at times but he was really a tortured kid.

Its not the depressing film you would think it would be. Its actually really uplifting. I recommend it!

Anyway I wish I had cable so I could watch This show on TLC about a man with the EB. I had never heard about this disease until I watched Flesh and Blood. It is when your body does not produce the compound that holds your skin to your body so it is always tearing and you are in constant pain and sores and infection. Ughh... makes me shudder. How awful.

Whew, anyway. If you don't want to be bawling at your desk don't read the story about Olivia on the dEBra website link above. Just a warning.

***

I'm really excited for tonight. This may sound dumb but I'm excited because C is having me help him with his sculpture. He has a show coming up on Friday and is desperately trying to finish his new piece in time. So I will be helping him paint the frame/box it will go in. I just am so happy he trusts me with something like this. I was watching him sculpt last night and it just struck me how insanely talented he is. I've always known that, but he is constantly amazing me. He is a fantastic musician and sculptor and the world will be do itself a disservice if they don't grab him up soon. At the same time he is so unpretentious and humble and supportive of other artists. He really is an amazing guy. I'm so proud of him. I think people will really be blown away this Friday. ** heh, you may suspect bias but, well yeah you could say that. : ) But I'm not the only one! So I know it's not just because I love him to itsy, bitsy pieces.

And in my corner I have started working on the newsletter for the textile museum. Its so fun to work on something with a subject you are super interested in. And we are trading for 3 nights at their cabin in Tahoe this winter. Yee Haw!

I feel like going out and raising hell. You know, PARTAY DOWN. Okay just kidding, I'll stop talking like that.

But I am in the mood, ya know? Wear my wig and stuff, and get tipsy and talkative and uninhibited. (as much as you can in San Francisco anyway). And it just so happens I plan to go to a party tonight. A party in a gallery with a theme, and free booze and drag queens and people I know like to have fun. Which bodes well.

Its been a while since I've gone out with the girls. And I was jacked because I asked my friend to go and she wanted to and it was going to be good we haven't hung out in a while.... but then I get her email today.

She is in a bad mood and like, might not want to stay very long and wants to leave her car at the bart so she can leave if she wants to.

No big. ? So, why does that irritate the shit out of me? I guess I should point out she has a tendency to throw a negative edge on things that hangs heavy. But still, I have those days too. (just, you know, maybe not as much, and when I do I only let it affect work life not my social life. Heh)

Also, I've noticed when i look forward to things they either turn out badly or don't measure up to what I was envisioning and it bums me out. So maybe I'm just being self destructive too and am looking for something to bum me out.

Well, dammit, I intend to stay up-beat and have fun and not let her get me down. Its her deal. I'll be cool if she wants to leave. And supportive and not bitchy, just let her do her thing and I'll do mine. Like any cool, calm, independent, yet thoughtful, friend would do. (fake it till ya make it right?)

All right.. I'll report back on how successful this plan was.

Cheers!

I consider myself a connoisseur of time wasting. Really I do. I like to wast my time with class and style and to tell you the truth I do it. really. well.

Procrastinating is by far my most practiced and honed skill.

Its my professional opinion that the most efficient tool for frittering away your time is the internet. And as an experienced flibbertigibbet please trust me when I tell you I know some good spots to do it.

Which is why I have finally gotten around to making my links list which you will find on the right hand column if you scroll down. Enjoy. No need to thank me.


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I love looking at other bloggers links so I made my own. These are basically what is filling my browser History right now. I will probably change it around from time to time as my interests flits to this and that (if I get around to it). There are some really awesome artists to check out, cool information, food stuff, just plain strangeness etc.

Look who we just adopted:

Yes, that little bundle of cuteness is Camille. (and the other is C who could not be any cuter as well with his sqashed down mohawk). She's 3 months old and the sweetest thing ever. I forgot how FRICKING hilarious kittens are. She's really playful but so much more people friendly and snuggly than Olive was when she was little like that. Olive was a cute fuzzy little spawn of the devil with razor sharp claws and teeth she would use at will. I haven't been scratched by Camille yet. She seems to be able to turn off the usual kitten tazmanian devil-like cyclone when dealing with humans unlike Olive.















I was a little worried how Olive would get along with her and at first there was quite a bit of hissing and posturing. But she seems to be warming up to her. Camille is so fearless and interested in Olive she is all over her. So I think Olive will get used to it. They take turns chasing each other throughout the house.



*Sigh* I think I'm in love.